I don't like New Years, and I don't get excited to celebrate it. I find it to be a time when we remember things from the ending year (and lets be honest, our memories hold better to the bad than the good) and we make resolutions for the new year that we all know that the likelihood of failure is greater than the chance of success. I know this sounds so negative, and normally that isn't the kind of thinker I am. I am usually accused of being a "Rose-colored glasses" bearer, but at years end/beginning I put on a different pair. They are very grey. I just don't like New Years.
I know that in our minds it gives us an opportunity to "wipe the slate clean and start fresh", but so does each sunrise. Every second that ticks by is a new chance to make that change you seem so sure will work just because the calendar shouts a new number to its name. Its a new you at any turn of the corner but we wait until the page on the desk says to "set those resolutions now". Even the television and radio are shouting it. Funny thing is, in February they will also be shouting about all the resolutions we have already failed to meet and now are being given a second chance to meet with a discount on a gym membership, a better rate on the car loan, or offers of a vacation hot-spot so we can fulfill the promise of more time with family and save a buck too!
Don't misunderstand. All of those resolutions we make are good things and goals we should be setting for ourselves. Most of us set them as an intention to do better, BE better than we feel we were the past year. Noble goals, and valid feelings. We all want to be better today than we were yesterday. There are always things we look back on and wish we could have done differently, and subsequently vow to choose wiser on when or if the situation calls again. So go ahead and plan. Set goals of intention. Be mindful every day. Just please do it because its Monday and not because we have to purchase a new calendar.
What I find most frustrating about the idea of resolutions is the anxiety that sets in when the goals are set, and the disappointment that ensues when one is not met. Neither of these emotions are helpful, not to mention pleasurable to experience. Isn't that what we want? We want to experience pleasure. We want help in the new year. We go to a big party with music, food, drink, laughter, streamers. We count down the final seconds and shout welcomes to its arrival. We kiss our loved ones and shoot confetti at its arrival. Why, then, does the rest of it make us regret its arrival? We sneak the extra cookie when we resolved to loose weight. We chastise ourselves for not going to the gym today because we just don't feel like it. We make excuses when we spend the extra $5 that was suppose to go to the savings because that is the promise you made yourself and the mystical "year".
Believe me, I have a list of promises I thought to make to myself. I haven't shared them with anyone. I haven't even officially written them down, so there is no evidence. However, I already feel the stress of making them happen. The judgement of whether or not I took a step toward accomplishing them. Its as if the New Year is a living thing and has eyes that watch my every move! ISH! This is exactly why I will not participate in the resolution movement. I never feel good about it.
Instead I am in search of a new kind of agreement with myself. One that has everything to do with ME, and NOTHING to do with the pages of the time-tracker on my wall. I will continue to use that to ensure I am on the right day as the rest of the world. Use it to be sure I am going to work (or not, if that is the case) when I should be. Use it to remember important events, and to anticipate things to come. I will not, however, pin a list or share with anyone what I plan to resolve this year in my life.
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