Critical Mass

So many things happen beyond our control in life that it can be overwhelming just to try to get through the day.  I have been living that chaos.  Actually, I have been allowing that chaos to control me and keep me from really living. Coping is not living.  I have been coping, and I have not even been doing that very well.  Today, I choose to stop that.  I choose to live.  Things in my life have reached "critical mass".  I have to change course before I self-destruct.  I have begun to do just that.  It is a slooowww process.  Agonizingly so, sometimes.  I don't pride myself on patience.  Not one of MY virtues. Baby steps. 


My first realization in changing course, was recognizing what I am missing. I have gotten off-track with a few things that help keep me sane. I need to take a deep breath, relax, and start over.  Actually,  a friend of mine would challenge my notion of "starting over". Not possible, he would say.  I disagree. If each day is a new opportunity, then I can start over with the things I have done before by doing them in a new way. Taking each day like a re-birth, therefore allowing me to start over. If it were starting "new", that implies I have no prior knowledge. Wrong. In starting over, I take what I learned from previous experiences and use that to do it a new way, hopefully changing the outcome.  We will see what his take on my thought process is, I'm sure!  Either way, I have decided a new approach is best, and that means change. It also means retrieving things from my life that I have let go astray that bring me happiness... and peace.  That is, ultimately, what I seek.  


That being said, I pick up my proverbial "pen" and re-introduce myself to my blog. Writing brings me a great peace.  I have many journals around my home, for different things and topics.  I have dusted them off as well.  I love to use pen and paper. It feels more personal. I feel like I am leaving more of me on the pages than in using a keyboard.  However, I enjoy the idea of a blog as well. A different medium and a different journey. I welcome them back to myself.  Another piece of peace re-claimed. I have achieved what I set to accomplish today.  One baby-step at a time.